Years back, I sat next to two women at work who were in their fifties and were constantly freezing me out. Not in a mean girl type way; like actually freezing me out due to the multiple fans they had blowing at their desks and all around them. I would sit there shivering, putting on my extra sweater I kept on my desk chair. They were the nicest women and would constantly tell me, “enjoy your normal body temperature while it lasts.”
I now know those women were clearly going through menopause. I remember back then thinking how that season of life was so far off for me that I couldn’t relate at all. Fast forward years and that season of life is slowly creeping up on me.
Slowly creeping up, yes, but not quite there. I have not yet experienced hot flashes or night sweats or many of the other side effects this stage of life brings. I would describe my current phase as feeling a little bit crazy at times.
I knew loosely what menopause was but being that it’s still likely years away for me, I didn’t have it close on my radar. But then I started noticing shifts to my “normal” self. Things like feeling more emotional in situations I normally would have been more even keel. I started gaining weight and not being able to shed it like I used to somewhat easily be able to. The weight gain focused on my stomach where I typically never used to gain weight.
I also just started feeling like I was losing my mind a little but I couldn’t totally describe it.
What was happening?
While I wasn’t super familiar with perimenopause, I had heard of it. Enter in my greatest tool as a woman and mother; my friend community. The second I started listing off how I was feeling, it was met with an immediate “yes, same!!!!”
It was of course a huge relief to know I wasn’t alone and maybe not actually going crazy. Maybe there was a reason for it.
That reason, I am certain, is perimenopause.
I started becoming curious about what perimenopause is and what was possibly in store for me.
While there still isn’t a ton of research on menopause and perimenopause which is frustrating, there is a tremendous more number of resources out there now than there were for past generations of women.
Over the past year, I have listened to dozens of podcasts and had countless conversations with friends on the topic of perimenopause. I am not a Doctor so I won’t be giving medical advice; I will give one piece of advice that has saved me as I begin the venture into this phase;
Don’t shy away from talking about perimenopause.
Females represent around 50% of our global population. That means that around 50% of women experience perimenopause and menopause. It isn’t something we should be embarrassed about or alone in.
I was listening to a podcast (Dr. Stacy Sims who has become one of my favorites on this topic) and it referenced that there was little research on perimenopause and menopause due to factors like inadequate healthcare training and knowledge. Many studies are still performed on male systems which clearly isn’t going to tell us a lot about what happens with women.
We as women need to stop shying away from the topic and be comfortable with open discussion and awareness.
We also need to feel open to talking to our spouses and partners about it. I don’t hesitate talking to my husband about it. I think it helps for them to understand how we are feeling and what we are experiencing. For empathy, that’s where the need for friends comes into play.
My friends and I talk very openly about it and it tends to come up frequently in conversation. Sometimes just a joke because we basically blame everything on perimenopause.
- Don’t feel like making dinner? Must be perimenopause.
- Feeling irritated with your spouse? Your spouse plus perimenopause are certainly to blame.
- Forgetting why you walked into a room? That’s perimenopause.
- Can’t lose that tummy weight? It’s not the carbs, it’s perimenopause!
While we joke and put blame it on it, the truth is that perimenopause can be super confusing as to what is it and isn’t. I don’t have an answer for that which is probably why these days I just blame all failures big and small on it.
Mom, if you are in your late 30’s into your 40’s and feeling tired, cranky, emotional, sluggish; it might be perimenopause. Or it might not. But just know, you are not alone. If you are feeling like you have lost your mind at times or just crazier than usual, know that you are not alone.
We as moms juggle a lot, no matter what stage of motherhood we are in. Call it baby brain, mommy brain, perimenopause or menopause. Call it whatever you’d like, depending on what stage of life you are in. The truth is, our bodies go through actual hormonal changes. It’s not in your head.
Give yourself grace, talk freely with your friends, talk to your doctor. Don’t shy away from how you are feeling, don’t blame yourself.
It might not feel like it and you may have no choice, but you’ve got this. We are truly all in it together.
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